WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House has great news for Americans suffering from shortages and high inflation: They can save a lot of money this Thanksgiving. That's because they can skip having a Thanksgiving dinner at all, since there's nothing to be thankful for.
"How can anyone be thankful when the Build Back Better bill hasn't been passed yet?" said White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki. "There is literally nothing for Americans to be thankful for in this country."
"Inflation is out of control, the supply chain is broken, and America looks like a fool in international affairs," she continued. "And that's not even considering the pandemic, which we obviously have no handle on and see no end to. What are you going to be thankful for, exactly? So just skip the expensive dinner altogether and pocket that money... though, of course, that money in your pocket will keep losing value, thanks to inflation."
"Wow, I can save a lot of money," said Joshua Andrews, who took the White House's advice and canceled Thanksgiving plans. "A big trip to visit family or a big dinner would be expensive. But staying home alone, sitting in the dark and grumbling about how miserable things are, is basically free."
Some Americans are planning alternate celebrations, though. For example, one family plans to share a can of Spam and go around the table shouting words of encouragement to Brandon.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
